Divine Complements

excerpted from Born to Be Together: Astrology, Relationships, and the Soul

There are two ways in which we are attracted to people in our lives. The first is those whom we think are similar and comforting to us. The second is those whom we think are different and fascinating to us. We can refer to them as attraction by similarity and complementarity. Similarity is easy to understand and explain. We all feel comfortable and happy with someone who shares qualities with us. However, complementarity may not be so easy to comprehend. We have all heard the adage, opposites attract. We see it illustrated in behaviors found in the physical world, from magnets to animals. Complementarity is no less important in human relationships.

There are many forms that complementarity can take. Astrology allows us to identify exactly what those forms are. We learned that the right balance of similarity and complementarity are essential to a healthy relationship. While similarity is straightforward and relatively easy to understand, complementarity is a bit trickier. In relationships, complementarity is the healthy expression of polarity. Its unhealthy expression is opposition.

When we are attracted to someone who has qualities that seem opposite to ours, we are dealing with projection. As we go through life, we notice that there are some things we lack, and we strive to incorporate new qualities and skills into our nature to make up for our lack. It is natural that we should turn to someone whom we perceive has those skills already intact, never dreaming that we have to have the attributes as well (perhaps undeveloped), or we could not recognize them in someone else. In this way, we project aspects of ourselves onto our beloved. The recognition and development of those desired attributes in ourselves is the healthy working out of projections in relationship, accomplished by recognizing and clearing opposition to create complementarity.

Often we find ourselves expressing the separative side of polarity, opposition. This happens when we fail to open to the differences in our partner that first attracted us. We resist recognizing or cultivating those qualities in our own nature, unable to see that they are already there. We may even come to resent our partner for having them because underneath we are jealous of their gifts. Alienation from one another is the outgrowth of opposition, and it chases love away.

Complementarity, however, is a natural part of a soul-centered relationship. In complementarity, we recognize how our partner makes up for our lacks. If we are aware of projection as an aspect of all relationships, we will know that we can see nothing in our partner that is not present in ourselves. So when we see a quality in them, we look for that quality in ourselves. If we find it undeveloped, we can study and emulate our partner and come to incorporate it into our nature. By taking responsibility for ourselves in this way, we enact complementarity. By Alearning@ our partner=s different qualities, we remain mindful of their value. We continue to appreciate their differences. We open the doorway for our partner to reciprocate by recognizing our qualities in themselves and growing from our gifts as well.

The positive use of a polarity in our relationship relies upon our willingness to take responsibility for our own growth and wholeness, self-responsibility. If we do not, our complementary aspects are enacted as oppositions, and a gap grows between ourselves and our partner which drives a wedge into the relationship.

Complementarity can be found in astrology as well as in life. Astrology is based on a circle. It is a fact of circular images that when something is on one side of the circle, that you can find its Aopposite@ directly across the circle from it. So, each sign has a complementary sign that is directly across the heavens from it. In astrology, these oppositions are called polarities. Since there are twelve signs, there are six polarities in the zodiac. Opposites in astrology are really complementarities in disguise. We can learn to understand ourselves better by learning about the complementarities (usually called polarities) in astrology.

One or two polarities are likely to really ring a bell with you, while others may not seem to be as important. You can tell which ones are more important just by looking at your chart and finding what signs are emphasized, or reading on and seeing which ones Alight up@ for you.

*For signs beyond Virgo, read the columns from right to left.

ARIES-LIBRA

Aries, the Knower of Self

Aries is considered the first sign of the zodiac. Some people say that this is why Aries likes to be first and thinks only of itself, but this does not take us to the deepest levels of Aries. It is pure Self, symbolically the first spark of life coming from our Source. In its newness, it is innocent of all other things, knowing perfectly of itself. It is so new to the realm of all things, it may not recognize its connectedness with other things and people at first. Yet, in its knowing of Itself, it expresses itself with naive confidence, purity of intent and the force of pure impulseCif a bit selfishly at times.

Libra, the Harmonizer

Libra seems to be everything that Aries is notCempathic, other-oriented, interested in partnership, companionable. Libra=s deepest motives lie in its desire to connect and balance or harmonize with other things and people. Its symbol of the balance scale reminds us that it seeks justice, experienced by weighing another=s perspective against our own. At its core, Libra is looking for the Self in others so that it may find its own Self. When at its best, Libra uplifts all who are around them with spiritual love. When someone sees the highest part of us, we automatically respond at that level.

Healing an Aries-Libra Split

To heal the gap between Aries and Libra we must love ourselves. When we love who we are, we uproot the issue that lies within the Aries-Libra polarity. We do not get caught up in either throwing ourselves away in our false self or the false self of another. When we love our self, we Amarry our self.@ This means that we will hold to who we are, uphold our inner dignity and respect ourselves, no matter what comes at us. Only then are we ready to unite with another.

TAURUS-SCORPIO

Taurus, the Revealer of Beauty

Where Aries is focused and fiery, Taurus is solid and stable. It holds tremendous force within, making it strong and resistant to change. Taurus is often thought of as slow, even lazy, but it is its inner strength that makes it retain its form, changing only gradually in response to persistent effort. In its highest form, Taurus is a fountain of creativity, because its true purpose is to bring beauty into manifestation on the planet.

Scorpio the Transformer

If Taurus preserves form, Scorpio alters it. Scorpios are deep, often intense, in their personality. They may appear secretive, but it is because what they feel and understand is difficult to share with others. At its core, Scorpio sits on the edge of darkness, of death, where transformation occurs. All things must change, yet it is only the form that changesCthe physical, the personality. Our Being, the True Self, remains constant and never dies.

Healing a Taurus-Scorpio Split

When Taurus and Scorpio are being played out as an opposition, Taurus will want too much, and Scorpio will withhold or withdraw. To heal the gap between them, we must build trust slowly. When we take the time to build trust, we do not get caught in situations where we feel unsafe. We do not give ourselves to our partner before we know they are safe for us. We do not withhold, because we no longer fear being overwhelmed.

GEMINI-SAGITTARIUS

Gemini the Experimenter

Gemini collects, connects and communicates. Curiosity and experimentation are qualities often found in Geminians. They can be lively, talkative, and inquisitive. However, they may soon be distracted by the next new thing and be dabblers rather than experts. Ultimately, what they are trying to do is to connect with themselves. They seek knowledge of everything because they want to feel whole, connected, and complete. They search for the piece that will complete them, help them to join the unconnected parts of their nature.

Sagittarius the Seeker

Sagittarius wants to find the principles which unite all thingsCwhat we call truth. Its drive is to turn knowledge into Knowing. Knowledge is born of the integration of logical experience into our nature. Knowing is the expression and application of knowledge in the arena of life. Knowledge comes from the mind, while Knowing comes from the deep well of awareness that we all carry inside us. Those with strong Sagittarius are learning about the realm of Knowing. They seek the truth. Sometimes they can mistake their truth for everyone=s truth, becoming dogmatic in their enthusiasm.

Healing a Gemini-Sagittarius Split

When we experience Gemini-Sagittarius opposition within ourselves or with our partner, we must understand the nature of truth. We need each in our life. The key to uniting them is integration. In learning, we examine what we encounter. We work with it until we make it Aours,@ or integrate it into ourselves. Then we extrapolate larger concepts, adjusting our concept of the truth and the principles, morals, and attitudes that come from it. In our partnerships, these come out through our honesty, acceptance and forgiveness, signs of our own inner integration.

CANCER-CAPRICORN

Cancer the Nurturer

Cancer is the Great Mother, who gives birth to all things of the universe. Cancerians have a great nurturing energy at their core. They are very concerned with the care and feeding of those with whom they are emotionally bonded. Although they may be slow to warm up to acquaintances, they extend a tender warmth to those they feel close to. Cancerians are focused on finding and preserving life, or what is constant in life. At the deepest level, they are looking for the constancy of the SelfCthe soul/spirit, which exists unchanged through birth and death.

Capricorn the Governor

We can think of Capricorn as the Great Father, where we experience protection, guidance and structure. The Capricorn in us tends to see us as a part of a society, a culture, a worldCwithin which we must make our way. Its focus turns toward creating lasting structures. They are developing self-containment, learning to keep the personal world of feelings separate from the impersonal world of business and governance, which can leave the impression that they are cold and uncaring. Ultimately, Capricornians are looking for the keys to the Cosmos, because then they can build any structure, from the most spiritual cosmology to the most worldly corporation.

Healing a Cancer-Capricorn Split

When Cancer and Capricorn express as an opposition, Cancer becomes needy, Capricorn isolated. We can heal the split by taking self-responsibility. We do not need to focus on the other person or what they are doing, only on our own needs, for we cannot rely on a single, other person to fulfill them. When we take responsibility for ourselves, we face what we bring to a situation and accept that we will make mistakes which we will be able to correct. We can learn to reach beyond our fears and trust our partner by sharing our emotions.

LEO-AQUARIUS

Leo the Giver

It is Leo=s nature to give. With their cheery, outgoing attitude, their sun brightens anyone=s day. More than anything, Leo people love to express themselves. They want to find their uniqueness, and the way they choose to do that is by expressing themselves in the realm of others and measuring themselves by the response they get. At its heart and in its best form, Leo=s generous spirit and desire for self-expression come from a deep inner drive to share love. The heart is the source of all of Leo=s joy for life.

Aquarius the Team Player

Where Leo is warm and effusive, Aquarius is cool and detached. People with Aquarian strength in their chart see themselves in the context of the groups that they belong to. The groups may be actual clubs or organizations, or they may be our ethnic or cultural group, social class, political party or network of colleagues and acquaintances. Ultimately, Aquarius=s purpose is to create and develop the balance so that each person can freely express their potential, while the group continues to serve its members. Aquarius keeps the group alive and well by disturbing the status quo in order to rejuvenate it.

Healing the Leo-Aquarius Split

In a Leo-Aquarius opposition, Leo can retreat into arrogance or approval-seeking, while Aquarius can express cold cynicism; each is a defense.To mend the gap, we must remember that everyone is special. When we know this, we feel confident about expressing our own uniqueness, because we know everyone has something to contribute that no one else can give. This sets the stage for the equality of all members of the group, whether it is in your partnership or another, less intimate affiliation.

VIRGO-PISCES

Virgo the Harvester

Symbolically, Virgo and Pisces complete the process begun by Aries-Libra. Virgo engages in this completion by harvesting the things learned in the previous signs, Aries through Leo, and putting them to use in life. When we are successful at doing so, we provide a support to others in some way, and we are supported in return. Virgoans choose what they want from the harvest carefully and logicallyConly the best will do. Their core drive is to find and fulfill purpose, because that is the best way to distinguish between items. Taken too far, they can seem overly critical or analytical.

Pisces the Visionary

Eventually we all reunite with the One, from which/whom we have all come. No one is more mindful of this than Pisceans. They can feel it, because when they are around something or someone for a while, they tend to become more like that influence. Pisceans carry a vision of what can be, naturally seeing the potential in any situation or person. For this reason, they are often drawn to those who are weak or disadvantaged. They want to assist them in finding their way in the world, nurturing their inner potential to the surface. Sometimes, their pursuits can be unrealistic or self-sacrificing.

Healing a Virgo-Pisces Split

A Virgo-Pisces opposition often manifests in Virgo as dry criticism or guilt feelings and in Pisces as self-pity or martyrdom. To create a complementarity, we must learn to accept and forgive ourselves. Until we love and accept who we are, we cannot relate to others without criticism, judgment, blame, or loss of self. Before we forgive ourselves, we feel as though we are "not-enough," and we try too hard to be what we're not. When we forgive ourselves, we can admit our mistakes because we are gentle and patient with ourselves. We can be who we are and correct our errors. Only when we can do this for ourselves can we forgive others.

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Copyright 2001 by Terry Lamb